Been thinking about divorce, but aren’t certain whether you need one? Being uncertain about getting a divorce is normal. There’s no right answer, because you can’t be sure you’re making the right choice. The best you can do is review the positives and negatives in your marriage and decide whether the relationship is worth fixing or whether you need to get out. Being unhappy is no fun so we feel pressure to do something. However, it’s a bad idea to rush into a divorce. Take your time deciding to end your marriage—it’s a big decision. To help your thinking, I list ten signs of a failed marriage. If you see several of these signs in your marriage, it probably means you should see a divorce counselor or a collaborative divorce attorney.
1. Your Spouse Refuses Marital Counseling
If you’ve been asking your spouse to enter marriage counseling and he/she refuses, that’s a bad sign. Marital counseling requires a commitment by both or you, so if your spouse is not interested in trying to fix the marriage, you’re wasting your time. You probably need a divorce.
2. Your Spouse Is Cheating
Adultery is not the only way a spouse can cheat on you. If your spouse is paying a lot of attention to someone else or cheating financially by hiding money, he/she is cheating on you just as much as if they were having sex with another person. You need to decide whether you can forgive and forget the cheating, or you probably need a divorce.
3.You Don’t Trust your Spouse
If you don’t trust your spouse, it’s time to try marriage counseling to work on building trust, or it’s time to get out of the relationship. Without trust, a healthy relationship isn’t possible.
4. You Have a Sexless Marriage
I’m not talking about having sex once a week; I’m referring to not having sex for a year. Usually, a sexless marriage is caused by repressed anger or an unresolved power struggle. In either case, if your spouse is rejecting you every time you ask for sex, why are you still married?
5. You Can’t Compromise
Every married couple fights. It’s only a problem if you fight about the same thing over and over. If you can’t discuss your differences and reach a compromise that meets the needs of both parties, your marriage is in serious trouble. Both of you have to get your needs met in a marriage or it won’t last.
6. You Can’t Communicate Feelings
Are you afraid to tell your spouse how you feel? Concerned you might start a fight? Does your spouse ignore you when you try to talk about how you feel? Are your emotional needs being met? If you can’t share feelings, it may be time to divorce.
7. Your Interactions Are Mostly Negative
All couples have problems from time to time, but it most of your interactions are negative, that’s a bad sign. Experts say you should have five positive interactions for every negative one for a relationship to be healthy. If your marital interactions are mostly negative, it may be time for a divorce.
8. Your Spouse Puts You Last
Have you noticed that your spouse puts your needs near the bottom of his/her list of priorities? If that’s the case, your marriage is headed for the rocks. You should discuss marital counseling with your spouse or consider a divorce.
9. You Show Contempt For Each Other
Arguments and anger are inevitable in a marriage. It’s how you handle disagreements that makes the difference between a healthy marriage and a dysfunctional relationship. If your disputes disintegrate into shouting matches where you call each other awful names, leave angry, and give each other the cold shoulder for a week, that’s a sign you may need a divorce.
10. The Relationship Is Abusive
If your spouse shoves, hits, or threaten you, that’s a sure sign you need to get out of the relationship immediately. There is no justification for physical abuse. Family violence usually begins with a single act, followed by remorse, begging for forgiveness, and a promise never to do it again. If you let the incident go, you risk falling into a recurring cycle of violence. When physical abuse happens, get out.
If you have been thinking about divorce and you see several of the above signs in your marriage, it’s probably time for a divorce. If four or more of these traits are present in your marriage, you should contact a divorce counselor or a collaborative divorce attorney right away.